How To Be A Positive And Calm Mother When You Don’t Feel Calm- 10 Tips

So how do you be a positive and calm mother? Especially when sometimes it feels like the world is falling apart. And you are barely holding it all together in the centre.

Well you aren’t alone mumma, gosh we all feel like that at least some of the time if not most of the time. The world is a big huge place. With what feels like a million things to do so being overwhelmed is normal.

Luckily there are some great things you can do to get on top of it. Today you are going to finish this post armed with all the tools to be a better mum.

Pinterest graphic on the must-dos to be a calm and positive mother

What Are The Qualities Of A Good Mother?

We are all trying to be the best mother possible. Even if that feels really far away from our reality right now. It is important to figure out exactly what a good mother looks like to you.

What defines a good mother may be different from one person to the next. The most important thing to remember is; that by even being here on this post you are a great mother.

You are trying to grow and be better for your babies simply by looking for more education about how to be the best mum possible! Isn’t that so cool? A mini win for your day.

Good mothers have one thing going for them. They turn up for their children every day even when they aren’t at their best.

A good mother will simply try, so if you are trying you are a great mother.

How You Can Feel Like A Good Mother

If you aren’t feeling like a good mother at your current point, you aren’t alone. Life is full of seasons and in some of those seasons, you can feel like the best possible mother.

But as seasons change some may be harder than others. The point is it is very important to remember you have some influence over your seasons. Things will change whether they are bad or good currently.

The best thing you can do to start feeling like a good mother is to realise if you are trying for your babies and simply showing up you are doing wonderful.

Feeling good as a mother doesn’t necessarily come naturally. It is actually a skill to be learned and mastered with time and self-awareness.

Sometimes the best way to become a better anything in life is to become more aware of who you are and what you need to function in a way that feels good to you.

Can You Be A Good Mother All The Time?

The honest answer is as simple as yes and no. You are a good mum all the time even in your not-as-great moments. This is what it is important to remember.

Losing your temper or feeling overstimulated regularly or occasionally does not dictate your worth as a mother. We as humans have so many external factors in our lives that we can’t give 100% all the time.

So letting go of the expectation that you are always going to be able to show up for your kids as the best version of yourself is going to get rid of a lot of guilt.

By getting rid of feeling guilt you can use your energy on something far more productive, like time for yourself or quality time with your favourite people, or even your kids.

Can You Be A Perfect Mother?

This question really should answer itself. Perfection really is a figment of our imagination. It is something that we can never truly achieve.

As humans we are imperfect and that is a realistic thing you have to realise.

Striving for perfection and putting pressure on ourselves to be someone else’s idea of perfect is only ever going to lead you down a mindset that isn’t going to get you where you need to go.

Becoming A Calm Positive Parent

So the stuff you really wanna know, how can you step into becoming a calm and positive parent?

How to be a positive and calm mother doesn’t have to be a hard process, although it sometimes is and that is okay too.

Understanding the realities of motherhood, and that you can’t be a perfect parent is the first step to becoming a calmer more positive mother.

Once you have a true grasp on that, then you can start to figure out the things about yourself that are going to help you actually take actionable steps to become a better mother.

Actionable steps for you are going to look different than they would for someone else I think that is so important to remember.

Your steps may look like this;

  • Get counselling – This could give you a place to vent through some of your problems with someone who may be able to help you process them.
  • A girl’s weekend with your friends or sisters – Get away and have a bit of fun without the worry of your kids, quiet time can sometimes remind us we are a person on our own who also need taken care of.
  • Maybe a non-negotiable morning routine – That gives you even 5 minutes of quiet and lets you do something for yourself.

How To Be A Calm And Positive Mother When You Feel Overstimulated?

So carrying out great tasks that help you become a better person. As well as a better mother is all well and good until overstimulation sets in.

Overstimulation can happen to the best of us, especially when as a mother you are the centre of a little person’s world. Sometimes this means very little downtime and very little time alone. As people, we sometimes really need to be functional human beings.

The best technique you can master as a mother, well even as a human is learning ‘to drop anchor’. Especially in times when you are feeling overstimulated and tapped out.

We have an upcoming blog post that goes totally in-depth on just how to get the most out of dropping anchor. The basics we will cover here.

Dropping anchor is grounding yourself. Sometimes we get so busy and caught up in life that we forget simple things like breathing and being aware.

So stopping and finding 5 things you can see, 5 things you can hear, and 5 things you can feel. That is great way to ground yourself and get back into calm mum mode.

So How Do I Become A Calmer Mother At Home?

Being at home all the time can actually add to your overstimulation especially if you are feeling trapped! Remember to get you and your kiddies out into the sunshine whenever you can.

Becoming a calmer mother at home starts with you. When you are feeling smothered, trapped, or overwhelmed, a really great option can be getting outside.

Get outside and have lunch with your kids on the lawn, suggest they play tag and sit and watch them, and show them plants or bugs in the garden.

You could even start a garden with them. Just know they will probably be more hindrance than help but that they will love spending time with you.

Remember how to become a more calm and positive mother involves grounding yourself and the outdoors is great for this. For you and your babies.

The Best Way To Help A Stressed-Out Mother

Motherhood is a never-ending circle of laughter, tears, sleepless nights, and never quite getting one foot in front of the other in time.

There are so many ways you can help out a stressed-out mother in your life honestly.

What She Does Need:

  • Company – Show up with some food and simply offer her your company.
  • Video call her – Say hey wanna tell me about life while you’re busy getting on top of the world.
  • Cook her a meal – Something she can throw in the oven and feel like someone sees just how busy she is.
  • Coffee – Again it doesn’t have to be expensive coffee you could just turn up with instant coffee and make her some. It is the gesture.
  • Ask her what she needs – Then listen, it might be nothing but simply asking can mean so much when you’re feeling stressed and isolated in motherhood.
  • Offer to have the kids – Offer for her to have a sleep or go and get a coffee and some food alone.

What She Doesn’t Need:

  • Advice – Even if it comes from a good place, it is really hard to take any sort of advice when you are feeling inadequate already.

How To Be A Better Mum When You’re Stressed

a photo of coffee a possible self care task written in how to be a calm and positive mother

So how can you be a calm and positive mother when the stress is getting the better of you?

  • If you have help/family around you make the most of them, they will probably love the chance to spend time with your kids. Needing a break doesn’t make you a bad mum, it will only make you a better mum.
  • Take time for yourself, and figure out what it is that you need to feel calm and collected.
  • Understand you won’t feel calm all the time. It is that simple.
  • Head to your bathroom for two minutes to drop anchor and have a breather. Find 5 things you can feel, see, and hear. Take some deep breaths and think about how calm feel. Quiet, warm, comfortable and aim for those feelings.
  • Get organised, see if you can find someone to take the kids for a few hours and focus on getting your mess organised, in a paper planner, notion, or maybe a digital planner. Even just a simple notepad.

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How To Be A Calm And Positive Mother By Understanding The Reality Of Motherhood

Honestly, there are so many things in life that are all about learning, really the whole concept of life involves learning.

Sometimes it is easy to forget this in between, appointments, feeds, lunch, dinner, nappy changes, and the list goes on and on.

The reality of motherhood is it can be fulfilling but so draining as well.

Sometimes the reality of motherhood and all the tasks that come with it is a heavy burden to bear but honestly mumma you have got this.

The biggest thing you can do to help yourself is learn more about yourself and what you need to feel calm and in control.

The Importance Of Taking Time For Yourself

Like we have talked about a huge part of finding calm in motherhood is finding what makes you feel calm.

If you have worked in a busy corporate job maybe you need a very specific categorised task list to tick off as you go to feel a sense of productivity.

Maybe you know you need to get ready in the morning and put your perfume and a little bit of make-up on.

Or maybe you like to cook dinner alone so you could talk to your partner about watching the kids while you cook.

Some things light us up and make us feel a bit better about life and if we can find these and use them to ground ourselves we have a much better chance of being a calm positive mother.

Self-Care Ideas To Help You Be a Better Mother:

Remember that your path to becoming a calm and positive mother will be completely different to mine.

A great start is to sit down and write a list of your favourite things, it could include some of the following… ( Be creative)

  • A warm bath
  • Walking along the ocean
  • Spending time with your dog
  • Going for a drive
  • Getting coffee
  • Doing some yoga

Quiet Time/ Alone Time

Quiet time can be far more valuable than you will realise. Giving your head a chance to take a breath can help you feel more comfortable.

Or getting a coffee alone gives you a good chance to get your thoughts in line.

Learning How To Drop Anchor

Learning how to drop anchor is a great tool. Dropping anchor involves grounding yourself, so simply taking a moment to be present.

You can simply go to the toilet, and become aware of your senses.

What can you see?

Ask yourself what can you feel?

What can you hear?

Take some deep breaths, sometimes putting your hands together or touching your cheeks can help.

Choosing To Be Present

Sometimes when things are feeling too much, you can choose to be present. The dishes will be there later.

Sitting down to play with your kids duplo, or Barbies even for 5 minutes will make their day and give you a moment to just be with your kids.

How To Be A Calm And Positive Mother Using Gratitude

Gratitude is a hugely useful tool. Sometimes simply starting your day or finishing your day with the things you are grateful for can hugely boost your mindset.

Make the effort to come up with three things in the morning that you are looking forward to.

Then make the effort to come up with three things in the evening you are grateful for.

See how it changes your week, if it helps you with your mindset then keep using it.

Help Yourself Feel In Control

Being a mum involves a million things on your to-do list so a really good hobby or past time can be planning!

Planning can be done in so many forms, paper planners with stickers and highlighters!

Digital planners with your iPad and stylus.

Or Notion which hands down is my favourite by miles.

I love being able to get everything down on my laptop and phone and then have reminders to.

I swear by it now to keep all my ducks in a row, plus my quiet time might be on the couch in the evening once my daughter goes down working on vision boards or fun templates.

Sometimes it is the simple things, and feeling more organised is how I am a more calm and positive mother.

10 Things You Must Do To Be A Calm Mother

  1. Learn about what you need to feel calm.
  2. Learn to drop anchor when you are overstimulated.
  3. Make the effort to have quiet time – even if it is in the bathroom, just take a moment.
  4. Spend time being present with your kids.
  5. Find a way to quiet your mind, organising or planning can do this.
  6. The things that give you a sense of joy e.g walking, plan to do them.
  7. Make an effort to get outside with your kids.
  8. Find something you can do specifically for yourself regularly and even include your kids in, gardening, colouring etc.
  9. Communicate with the people around you about how your feeling and what you need, they just may be more help than you know.
  10. Counselling is a great option for mothers or anyone who wants to work through why they are the way they are and feel more in control. Therapy is an awesome tool in life and motherhood.
how to become a calm and positive mother Pinterest graphic

How To Be A Positive And Calm Mother Can Be Easy With Practice

So there you have it, all the best advice on how you can be a more positive and calm mother. It should feel a lot more achievable now.

Just remember quiet time and working within yourself is going to come through and show itself in every aspect of your life.

Sometimes being a positive and calm mum is as simple as making the effort to get yourself on track first. Never feel guilty for taking the time to do that!

Your babies will most definitely thank you for it.


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