How To Find Yourself After Motherhood 10 Tips You Can Use NOW!

This post explains how to find yourself after motherhood. First, we need to understand why we feel like “I have no idea who I am anymore…” and then we can do something about those feelings.

Are you struggling with feeling empty and unfulfilled, or don’t even know who you are anymore? Then you are in the right place. Motherhood adds a whole new self to your world, and sometimes, we lose parts of our old self and our old life, mainly when our entire world revolves around our full-on new family member.

This blog post contains 10 practical tips that you can use RIGHT now to start finding who you are. These tips will help you feel more satisfied and belong during this stage of your life and allow you to step into the new seasons of your life with a better understanding of what you are going through.

What You Need To Know About Motherhood

Motherhood is a life-altering experience that completely changes your everyday life. The new responsibilities of taking care of a child can be overwhelming and all-consuming, often leading to a shift in your identity.

When life becomes feed, change, put down, rush to do some human things, then feed, change, and the cycle repeats. It’s no surprise that life can change pretty drastically. New parents face this a lot.

You might find yourself prioritizing your child’s needs over your own, leaving little time for self-care or pursuing personal interests. This is normal and something we all must manage; only some have the same experience.

Furthermore, societal expectations and pressures about being a ‘good mother’ can also contribute to feelings of losing your identity. Understanding these changes and pressures is the first step towards reclaiming your sense of self.

What Changes In Motherhood

Motherhood is a significant life change; suddenly, your whole world revolves around another little being relying solely on you to survive. When your life has been busy before this, this can be a big shock to the system.

Motherhood or even fatherhood is even trickier due to the sacrifice that comes with having babies.

With having babies comes many sacrifices, be it one parent staying home to run the household or both parents working. Hence, they have less time with their kids or just the little things like no more Sunday golf or fewer hair appointments.

Sacrifice can be a really hard part of adapting to motherhood. Even with the 10 monthd you have to wrap your head around it before the baby comes, sometimes it will still take time to adjust to what life is like with kids around.

You go from taking care of yourself to not even getting the opportunity to do so sometimes because you are so busy with your small ones.

Loss Of Identity Is Normal

A loss of identity through this change is actually normal. Trust me, who you were before you had your baby was a different person.

Similar to how snakes shed their skin or how chameleons change their colours, as we grow and experience different life challenges, we grow and change as people, too.

A wise friend once told me, “Your experiences will become your asset at some point; remember that.”

That totally changed my personal view on everything I have walked through in my life. I definitely had a loss of identity when my baby came into the world.

We naturally become so focused on everything we need that the rest of the world melts away. In some ways, a loss of identity can be good because, from that loss, you will gain as you grow into the new person who will step into motherhood.

Why Am I Struggling With My Identity After Having A Baby

Why? Because it is tough!!!

Sure, motherhood is total magic, too, like seeing your baby laugh or smile for the first time, seeing them start to crawl or roll over, and watching them see new things and meet new people.

Honestly, it is primarily tears, crappy nappies, sleepless nights, and lots and lots of cuddles.

Your identity is washed away through this season because your work is challenging and unique.

Breastfeeding alone for one year is estimated to take 1800 hours of a woman’s life. That is almost as much time as a year full of 40-hour work weeks.

Add naps, changing nappies, shots walks in the pram, and settling. There is so much to take on as a mum that losing your identity is natural.

how to find yourself after motherhood  picture of a child in front of the mountains

How Do I Find Myself After Motherhood

Finding your identity in general will never have a hard or fast rule, and can look quite different for every single mum.

Finding yourself can look like;

  • Doing things you enjoy.
  • Take breaks from your babies to take care of yourself.
  • Finding things to do with your babies that bring you joy in motherhood
  • Doing research into ways you can feel more like yourself again
  • Journalling – consider who you were? What parts of you do you want to take into the future? Who would you be if you could be anyone?
  • Remember, you can be anybody you like!

What Does Reinventing Yourself After Motherhood Look Like

You have to remember that this journey will look very different for everybody. So, you need to find what reinventing yourself will look like.

Take the time to write out what is most important to you, or make a list of things you have to do and then a list of things you want to do, which can then be balanced out.

You can start to paint a picture for yourself of what reinventing yourself within motherhood is going to look like for you.

Again, it is so different for everyone. For some mums, a start is simply implementing some self-care. When you are in that newborn season, even some time alone can feel daunting, so start with baby steps.

Why Am I So Tired Of Being A Mother?

Again, the answer is so simple because what you are doing is so tiring! Your baby is completely reliant on you; you are the sole reason your baby is alive, and that is a huge responsibility.

You may also be busy keeping your household running and your family happy, in addition to simply being a mother.

Sometimes, we forget how much we do each day; our endless to-do lists leave us tired, which helps us sleep! But adding being our little person’s emotional support person and go-to means we really have so much extra on our plates.

Feeling tired of being a mother is totally normal, especially in the early days as you adapt to a new life that revolves around being your baby’s world. Figuring out how to find yourself after motherhood means learning to balance this new life.

Is It Normal To Feel Like You Don’t Want To Be A Mother Anymore?

Significant life changes can leave you with some big feelings! So, anything that crosses your mind during motherhood is normal.

Just remember, if you feel like you could be a danger to yourself or your baby, talk to someone you trust and seek professional help.

But motherhood is tough, and you might like to be without it. This is a feeling plenty of people feel. When you are are figuring out how to find yourself after motherhood, life can be a lot at that time.

Especially sometimes the newborn days can be so tough. When you are in such hot demand for your beautiful little babe. Big emotions and little sleep easily create big feelings, too. Be gentle with yourself.

Dealing with Depleted Mother Syndrome

Depleted Mother Syndrome refers to a state of physical and emotional exhaustion that many mothers experience. This condition often stems from the relentless demands and pressures associated with motherhood, which can lead to feelings of depletion, overwhelming stress, and in some cases, even depression.

Being a mother comes with an innate sense of responsibility and a constant concern for your child’s wellbeing. When combined with the daily grind of caring for a child, managing a household, and often balancing a professional life, this weight of responsibility can take a significant toll on a mother’s physical and emotional health. This can manifest in various ways, such as chronic fatigue, feelings of detachment, a sense of inadequacy, or even a loss of interest in activities that once brought joy.

It’s important to recognize that these feelings do not reflect your capability as a mother or your love for your child. Instead, they are indicators of the immense pressure and strain that come with motherhood.

Addressing Depleted Mother Syndrome involves acknowledging these feelings and taking proactive steps towards self-care. This could mean setting aside time for rest and relaxation, engaging in physical exercise, seeking emotional support from loved ones, or speaking with a mental health professional.

10 Ways To Reinvent Yourself After Motherhood

So here are 10 ways you can start today to help reinvent yourself within motherhood. You will find parts of your old self, your new self, and who you want to be. Give yourself grace during this time…

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1: Find Something ‘For You’

It’s essential to have something solely for you that gives you happiness and provides a sense of individuality outside of motherhood. This could be a hobby or an activity that you can look forward to, something that helps you disconnect from your daily routine and provides a much-needed break.

This could be anything that appeals to you—reading a book, painting, gardening, doing yoga, running, or even just walking outside. It could be something you’ve always loved to do or a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try.

The goal here is to give yourself some time to focus solely on your interests and enjoyment. This will not only give you a chance to relax and unwind but also help you reconnect with yourself as an individual.

Remember, it’s not selfish to spend time on yourself. On the contrary, dedicating time to your passions and interests can make you a happier person and, inevitably, a happier mother. So, immerse yourself in something you love and reclaim your identity outside motherhood. Learning how to find yourself after motherhood is trial and error sometimes, so find your happy things.

2: Make The Effort To Talk To Someone Who Understands Or Is Understanding… Find Your ‘Village’

Despite its joys and rewards, motherhood can often feel like a solitary journey. The constant demands of caring for a child, coupled with the physical and emotional changes you’re going through, can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation.

This is why reaching out and finding your ‘village’ is crucial. Your ‘village’ refers to a community of people who understand your experiences, share your concerns, and can offer support, advice, and reassurance during this transformative phase of your life.

This ‘village’ could comprise other mothers you meet at local mom groups, parenting classes, or even the playground. These women are likely going through similar experiences and can offer empathy, advice, and a comforting shoulder when things get tough.

3: Hobbies Or Projects That Fill You With Purpose

Consider taking up hobbies or projects that give you a sense of purpose and satisfaction. This can be anything from gardening, painting, writing, cooking, or even learning a new language or skill.

Engaging in activities that you love and are passionate about can help you relax and unwind and provide a sense of achievement and personal growth.

Some hobby ideas for busy mums:

  • Planning – either digitally or on paper. ( I use Notion to clear my head and spend time on vision boards and meal planning.)
  • Decorative planning – on paper with stickers and tapes etc.
  • Crafting – anything that you feel like, knitted hats, crochet, sewing.
  • Pick a sport – something you can fit into your lifestyle.
  • Walking everyday – maybe this leads up to scenic walks away from home.
  • Scrapbooking – can be a great way to keep record of your kiddos lives.

4: Create A One Day… List To Figure Out Your Priorities.

A “One Day…” list is a fantastic way to keep track of your long-term goals and aspirations. This list serves as a roadmap to your personal growth and self-discovery. It could include dreams you’ve had since childhood, new hobbies you want to try, places you wish to visit, or even personal milestones you want to achieve.

Creating this list may require you to dig deep and reflect on your passions, hopes, and desires. Revisit your list often, add new items when inspiration strikes, and cross off accomplished ones. This ongoing process can be a powerful tool in your journey to finding yourself after motherhood.

This list can help you see what is most important to you. Then, you can focus on bringing in these things when you are learning how to find yourself after motherhood.

5: Find Things You Enjoy Doing Alongside Your Children

Motherhood doesn’t mean giving up on your passions; it means sharing them with your children. Identify activities or hobbies you enjoy and incorporate them into your routine with your children. This could be as simple as reading a favourite book together, exploring nature on a walk, making a meal, or even starting a shared hobby like painting or gardening.

These shared experiences can create beautiful memories and help you bond with your children while doing something you love. Plus, it allows your children to see you as an individual with interests and passions beyond just being their mom.

6: How To Find Yourself After Motherhood: Begin Question Journaling

Question journaling is a self-reflective practice where you ask yourself deep, thought-provoking questions and then write down your answers. The questions could be about your life, feelings, dreams, fears, achievements, regrets, and more. This practice encourages introspection and self-awareness.

It allows you to explore your innermost thoughts and emotions and better understand your triggers, patterns, and behaviours. Over time, you’ll discover insights and revelations that can guide you in rediscovering yourself after motherhood.

It can simply help you get a better understanding of who you are, where you have come from, and where you might be going.

7: Find Small Things That Fill Your Cup

In the hustle-bustle of motherhood, it’s easy to forget about personal self-care. But it’s essential to remember that nourishing yourself is just as important as taking care of your children. Find small things that replenish your spirit and make you feel good about yourself. It could be a cup of your favourite tea, reading a chapter of a book, a quick workout session, a chat with a good friend, or even a few moments of mindfulness.

These small moments of self-care can have a profound impact on your well-being. They can help you maintain your individuality amidst the demands of motherhood. It is a basic necessity. But sometimes, in prioritising it, you can find something you really enjoy.

8: Find Communities Of Mothers

Motherhood is a shared experience; connecting with other mothers can provide a sense of camaraderie, support, and understanding. Look for local mom groups, online communities, or even parenting classes where you can meet other mothers.

Sharing experiences, advice, struggles, and triumphs with those on the same journey can be incredibly comforting and enlightening. It can also remind you that you’re not alone and that asking for help or advice is okay when needed.

Talking and finding commonalities with other mothers is hugely beneficial when learning how to find yourself after motherhood. Knowing you aren’t the only one going through it is reassuring and validating.

how to find yourself after motherhood self care coffee and a view image

9: Get Outside And Moving As Much As Possible

Physical activity is well-known for its health benefits, including boosting mood, reducing stress, and improving overall wellbeing. But it’s also a fantastic way to reclaim some time for yourself.

Getting outside and moving can provide a much-needed break from your routine, whether it’s a jog in the park, a yoga session in your backyard, or a leisurely walk around your neighbourhood. Plus, the change of scenery and fresh air can do wonders for your mood and perspective.

10: Talk To A Professional

If you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed or lost, feel free to seek professional help. Therapists and counsellors are trained to help you navigate your feelings and provide strategies and tools to cope with life’s challenges.

They can offer a safe space to express your fears, concerns, and struggles and guide you through self-discovery. Remember, reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a step towards taking care of your mental health and wellbeing.

Sometimes, just having one person to talk to, who is separate from your situation, is really good for your mental health. How to find yourself in motherhood can involve finding out more about who you are away from motherhood too.

How To Find Yourself After Motherhood Is All Here

So, that is how to find yourself after motherhood. Our 10 tips are perfect for you to start using now, and they will help you get the ball rolling to feel like you know yourself after motherhood.

In conclusion, motherhood is indeed a challenging and life-changing journey. It’s okay to feel lost or disconnected from your previous self. Remember, it’s not about completely going back to who you were before but rather about rediscovering and reinventing yourself in this new phase of life.

With patience, self-care, and genuine support from your ‘village’, you can navigate this journey and fulfil your new identity as a mother. You’re not alone in this journey; reaching out for help is perfectly okay. So, start today, use these tips, and take the first step towards finding yourself after motherhood. How to find yourself after motherhood is a journey so simply start.


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